Take What I Give
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: Sam needed what he needed.  He was just scared of asking for it.  Thank God for Gabe.  BDSM Gabriel/Sam, Past Lucifer/Sam, Castiel/Dean, Crowley/Bobby
1. Let Me

Sam needed… something more tonight.

He just… he needed. That was all. That was it.

Gabriel was inside of him and that felt… that felt good. It felt great, it always had. He kept a hand on his erection, trying to keep it _erect_, and told himself that this was enough. It had to be.

Not again. Oh, _God_, not again.

Gabriel slowed to a stop, frowning down at Sam. "You okay, kiddo?"

He forced himself to nod. He was okay. He had to be okay.

Don't have those thoughts… don't… Just… _don't_.

Bad mind. We don't wander into those memories anymore, we don't _need_ that shit anymore. We've had Gabriel for a year now and that was… that was something amazing. It was the longest time Sam had gone without turning to _that sort of comfort_.

But he had been pining after it bad the past few weeks. Tonight… no. Tonight was _not_ the breaking point, he _wasn't_ going to break.

He couldn't. He had broken while he had been with Jessica and she had left him, disgusted. He had broken while he had been with Madison, and she had had left him, disturbed. He had broken while he had been with Lucifer… and he had taken advantage of him, had given him more than he had ever wanted to take.

"I-I'm okay."

"You're not." Gabriel slid out of him, still erect.

Sam swallowed and rolled his hips, hoping he'd come back. He _needed_ him to come back, to assure him that he was okay… he needed that more than anything else in the world. Because if he couldn't do this…

Then it was too late for him. And he _couldn't_ have that!

He just couldn't…

Gabe was so much a part of him now, a part of his _life_. Hell, Gabe's brother was dating his brother and what if Gabe told Dean?

"I am," he tried again. He flipped them over and slid back down on Gabe's length, pushing against him too harshly and…

_Fuuuck_, that felt so good… So hard, so deep, tearing him, and, _shit_, he wanted more…

"D-damn, Sammy, slow down there!" Gabe had his hands on his hips, trying to stall him. He was wearing a pained expression. "Jeez, what are you in a hurry for?"

Sam was shaking.

Oh, God, it was too late.

"Sammy?" Gabriel reached up and stroked his tears away with his thumb. "Whoa, Sammy, if you want to turn my junk to soup moving like that, go right on ahead, just… just don't cry, I can't handle your tears."

"I-I'm so sorry…"

"Talk to me, baby."

"I-I'm so _sick_, I'm a filthy sonofabitch…" Lucifer's words echoed in the back of his mind. "I'm a dirty whore, I'm used goods, I'm not fit for society…"

"_You should just stay here, strapped to this bed, waiting for me. It's not like you have anything worthwhile outside this room, yes? Oh, there _is_ your brother, but… Would he still consider you his brother if he knew of your _disease_?"_

Gabriel slapped him, the back of his hand leaving an imprint on Sam's cheek. "I don't ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again."

Sam whimpered and his cock jerked in interest.

Both stilled instantly.

"Sammy…"

"I-I-I'm sorry…" He moved off of Gabe and grabbed his clothes, ignoring the precum that dribbles down between his thighs. "I-I'm going to go now…"

"Sammy, what the hell?"

"I'm sick, okay?" He snapped. "I _like_ getting hurt, Gabe! A-and, I need it…" He closed his eyes and let himself remember.

He remembered bondage and sex toys, restraints and blindfolds, whips and flogs, all that jazz.

He remembered all the times he came so hard, he lost his freaking mind.

"I need it so bad, I haven't had it since I started dating you…" And it was all coming out at once… Why? Why couldn't he just walk away? Just let their relationship end awkwardly, but it would be so much better than telling the older man his filthy-as-fuck secret.

"Need… what?" Gabe was stalking across the bed, edging across the floor, but he wasn't going towards Sam. He was going towards his closet.

Sam had never been allowed to look in that closet, it had always been locked. A true mystery, but he had let it lie. It wasn't like Gabe was the only one keeping secrets, right?

"I need to be hurt, Gabe. I can _feel_ it, I can feel… _Fuck_, I can feel it."

"Feel _what_?"

"The pain…"

"What kind of pain?"

Sam groaned and leaned against the wall. His hand wandered to his cock and he rubbed it from base to head, squeezing. "I want to be strapped up… I want to be fucked so hard, I'm turned inside out, I want to wear my lover's marks _all over my body_…"

And that should have been the easiest thing for Lucifer to do, except it had been the thing he had refused most. He hadn't wanted to scar Sam, he had thought he had been physically perfect, like a fucking masterpiece, and he had marked him only lightly. Bruises and scratches, things that would eventually disappear. His appeal had mostly been emotional.

Which was why Sam had eventually split from him. He had wanted a _partner_, not an _abuser_.

And there _was_ a difference.

But Lucifer's influence had stuck with him.

"Oh, Sammy…" The younger male finally managed to look up and it was only to meet Gabriel's heated amber gaze. "Please tell me you're my soulmate."

His heart stopped, he swore. "W-what?"

Gabriel had a key in hand and he used it to unlock the closet door. It swung open to reveal shelves of sex toys. Bondage, floggers, whips, sex machines, cubbies full of dildos and nipple clamps, collars and leather. "Be mine, Sammy. And I'll mark you for _life_."

Sam whimpered and nodded, tongue rolling over his suddenly dry lips. "Oh, God, Gabe… I love you."

"Love you too, baby." Gabe grabbed a black blindfold off the door's hook and twirled it around his fingers. "Let me be your sadist, gorgeous."

"_Please_."

Gabe smirked and it was entirely predatory. "Safeword?"

"Dean." It had always been his safeword. Any word could be said accidently, but the one thing Sam would never say under _any_ _condition _was his own brother's name. Gabe accepted it rather easily for knowing who Sam was talking about. "A-and yours?"

Gabe lifted an eyebrow. "I won't be the one getting hurt."

He couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, but I'm pretty hardcore. You might need to stop before I do."

"I'll keep that in mind."

~::~

"D-DEAN!"

Gabe chuckled into his ear. "Aw, but I was just getting started."

Like _hell_. If 'just getting started' took three hours, he didn't want to know how long it would have taken them to get down to business.

Sam's hands were held up by leather suspension cuffs, four buckles on each, and the rodeo ejaculating sex machine was fucking him raw, making rough, whirring sounds with each thrust.

What hurt the most, though, was the five-ring chastity device secured to his penis, keeping him so fucking hard and in so much pain, it wasn't even funny. Hell, it hadn't been funny to begin with, but that was just so many levels of agony, each ring tighter than the last, connected by a strip of leather… And it had his balls secured too, threatening to pinch off his sac between two of the nickel-plated circlets.

The blindfold was still there and a leather collar had been added with silver chains attached to it, ending in clamps that were torturing his nipples.

He hurt… He hurt… so bad… So fucking _good_. But too much, too soon…

He needed to come, he did, he _really_ did.

Or else he was going to die. Simple as that.

Luckily, Gabe didn't make him repeat himself.

That wasn't how S&M worked. There was a safeword for a reason and that reason wasn't to be ignored.

Gabe turned the sex machine off and reached around him. With a large amount of lube and a pained scream from Sam, he managed to remove the hellish chastity device.

The moment it was off, he couldn't hold back anymore. "GABE!"

He came… long and hard, and it felt fucking good. He leaned back against Gabe's chest and the shorter man held him comfortably, pressing languid kisses to the back of his shoulders and neck, leading up and down his spine.

That gentle treatment… right after all that pain… Yeah, he cried. He couldn't help it, he had never been treated like this before after his lovers had found out about his needs.

"We'll go again when you're ready," Gabe breathed into his ear. "Just say when and I'll rock your body like you never thought could happen." He rutted against Sam's backside, showing him that he was rock-fucking hard.

The past three hours, Gabe had never once sought his own orgasm. He had set Sam up with different toys and different restraints, never letting him cum but never stopping giving him otherworldly pleasure either.

"Please," he begged, "please let it be your cock, no more toys, just give me _you_…"

"Sam." Gabe's voice was stony, demanding, and it was such a powerful, dominant voice that Sam whimpered and dipped his head to his chest, making himself small and obedient. Gabe soothed his frayed nerves with a hand along his side.

Sam had told Gabe, after Gabe had put the blindfold on him and started talking dirty, that he would need some time before they started doing that. He told him briefly about Lucifer and his verbal abuse and Gabe had instantly cooled it on the language.

He had accepted Sam's boundaries. Now he was being careful about them.

"I will tell you when I will enter you, Sammy. It will be when you will want me most, when you're so close to the edge that you _will_ die if you don't have me, not even that you will _think_ so, but you fucking _will_. And I will shove my huge cock up your tight ass and you'll be so desperate for me, you'll come before I'm even done entering you."

Gabe was eyeing him, making sure he wasn't taking the dirty talk too far. And his talking was filthy too, just unbelievable, but he could handle it. It wasn't like Gabe was trying to call him a whore again (though the first time, Sam knew he hadn't meant to actually offend him, he had just been finding out what turned him on).

He nodded furiously. "I-I want that… Please, sir."

They had agreed on that, Sam calling him 'sir' instead of 'master'. Lucifer had had him call him that.

Sam liked using superior titles for his dominants. It was just… it just made it feel so _good_ to know who was in control of the situation and that was never him, he never wanted it to_ be_ him.

Gabriel kissed his cheek, then the corner of his lips, and lastly his mouth, turning him just so that way they met over Sam's shoulder. The machine's dildo was still up his ass and the shifting made it move right into his prostate. He whined low in his throat.

"You like that?" Gabriel murmured against his lips.

"W-want more of it…"

"Are you ready for more?"

"Yes. _Yes, yes, yes, yes_."

"Then let me give you more. Let me give you everything you want, gorgeous." He rubbed his hands across Sam's clamped nipples, tugging at the chains connected to them, and the younger whimpered. "Let me love you the way you were meant to be loved."

"Yes, _please_."

Gabe licked his upper teeth, everything in his body language saying that he was the wolf and Sam was the lamb. Before long, the older man would devour him whole.

And all he could do, all he _wanted_ to do, was let it happen.

~::~

The anal twist dildo was ten inches long, roughly four inches around. It felt bigger inside of Sam, though.

It felt overwhelming.

Or maybe that was the penis gag reaching down his throat, choking him. He sucked at it, like it was real, and he wished like a sonofabitch that it was Gabe's cock beating his esophagus. Instead, Gabe was pushing and pulling the rubber in and out of his ass, punching his prostate and everything else along the way.

He wished he could at least grab Gabe, hold onto _something_, but he couldn't. The leather bicep arm binders held his limbs firmly at his sides, almost behind his back, and all he could do was stretch and wiggle his fingers, slowly losing sensation.

"You're such a good boy, Sammy…" Gabe's hand _shook_ as it settled on his waist, the other still pumping. "Such an innocent, why is someone as pure as you with me? Damn, kiddo, you think you're dirty? I think you're perfect, you just keep _giving_…. And you know what? You take a lot too, don't you? When I want you to take, you just never stop, do you?"

To show what he meant, he pushed harder on the dildo. Sam shoved back on him and groaned around the rubber gag. _More_, he wanted to say. _Give me more_.

He wanted Gabe. He wanted him so fucking hard, wanted him so deep he'd never leave…

He would die if he didn't have Gabe _soon_.

The older man must have caught that thought because he petted Sam's back, soothing him. "Not yet, gorgeous. I'm not done with you yet."

What more could there _be_?

He sobbed, actually cried, and he choked on the penis gag.

He wanted so bad…

~::~

Gabe took the blindfold off.

That was only so he could watch the blade come out of a small black box buried deep in the closet. It was nine inches long, gleaming brightly, and the handle had angel wings carved into it. _Archangel_ was scripted along the duller edge of the metal.

Gabriel looked at Sam and he swallowed thickly. He knew better than to move, Gabe hadn't told him to move, but he almost wanted to… run. Maybe even call off again.

Sam's nights had never included cutting. There had been bondage and multiple intrusions, gags and the like, but no one had ever brought out knives before.

His hands shook, arms still in the binder, and he waited in fear.

His cock, at least, gave an excited twitch.

So he wasn't entirely against the idea, he supposed.

"Gorgeous, _you're_ the one who wanted this."

He did?

"You said so yourself, _'I want to wear my lover's marks all over my body'_. Well, _these_ marks aren't going to go away anytime soon."

Oh, thank _God_.

"Do you still want that, Sammy? Do you still want my mark on your body, carved so deep into your skin you'll never forget me? Even if I die or we break up? You can answer me, Sammy."

"Y-yes, sir. _Please,_ sir." He licked his lips nervously. "Make me yours."

Gabe kissed him deeply, fucking his mouth with his tongue. "Oh, beautiful, you've been mine for a while now."

"Make it permanent. I don't want anyone else, it'll be you or no one. Never again." How could he ever move on after _this_?

Yeah, he had thought the same thing after Lisa, but that had been the last and only time. Everyone after her hadn't mattered as much as she had. Until now. And this time… it was so much _stronger_. They were so different, infuriating each other at times, but they were so happy together… and now there was _this_ and that was just mind-blowing.

Gabe's eyes twinkled. "That's what I wanted to hear, Sammy." He held the knife between them and Sam followed its edge down his body to where it rested over his heart. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else, baby, now and forever."

The blade bit down and the scarring began.

~::~

Gabriel took a wet washcloth to his bleeding flesh. Cleaning away the excess fluid, Gabriel's cursive name was revealed across his breast. A date was marked between his hipbones.

Sam stared with awe at his own body. He was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to feel so proud about the fact that he was scarred forever now with someone else's name, like a branded sow.

He looked up and found himself level with, _thank God_, Gabe's pulsing erection. He was so hard, so very hard, that he was red and pre-cum streamed steadily down his slit.

Gabe looked down and found easily what so held his attention. He licked his lips hungrily. "Do you want something, Sammy?" He wrapped a hand around his length and pumped it slowly, the gland against Sam's lips. "Do you want to do something for me?"

He looked up at him desperately. "Please, sir?"

"Please, _what_, sir?"

"Please, let me suck your cock, sir."

Gabriel didn't answer. He just grinned and threaded his fingers through Sam's longish brown locks. When the younger man opened his mouth, about to take him down his throat, Gabe instead shoved him back and twisted his hand at just the right moment so that Sam landed on his hands and knees.

"No, Sammy. Right now, you can have me inside of you, so deep I'll be touching your heart."

Gabriel slid into him and, _finally, finally, finally_ they were one again.

It was the greatest feeling in the world, to have Gabe bottoming out inside of him. He wasn't even that tight anymore, what with all the various objects that had violated him, but he _felt_ the euphoria spreading through both of them, and it felt so fucking _good_… Just to have Gabe inside of him, real, throbbing flesh…

Gabe had been right. He wasn't even fully inside of Sam before he ejaculated _again_. This time, it hurt. Guys weren't supposed to come six times in one night.

What Gabriel hadn't warned him about was that he would have the same reaction.

He wasn't surprised though. How many hours had they been at this? How long had Gabe been orchestrating his pleasure and pain?

He looked over at the alarm clock next to the bed. _Damn_… Five hours.

He was going to go die now.

Gabriel was limp over him and Sam was so tired, he collapsed beneath their combined weight.

Thank God Gabe had taken the nipple clamps off. That would have been messy otherwise.

"I love you…" He turned his head to nuzzle Gabe's cheek. "I love you… so damn much."

"Love you too, Sammy. Mmmm… You smell good." He shoved his nose into the junction of his shoulder and neck.

"I smell like we just finished a five-hour sex marathon. That can't be that good."

"You smell like sweat and chocolate-flavored lube… And me, of course. A bit of iron there, too. Definintely some rubber."

"How does that _smell good_?"

"Because it's you, gorgeous. If you were covered in dog shit, you'd still smell sexy."

"_Sir_, ew."

Gabe laughed and rolled off his back, settling on the floor beside him. "Oh, Sammy, you're just _precious_." He reached out and petted Sammy's hair, love apparent in his warm amber eyes. "I'm going to have to marry you, aren't I?"

His heart stopped. "I-I don't know… are you?"

"I think I just might have to."

He hid his face in the man's chest.

Oh, thank you, _God_. Everything Lucifer had said… suddenly meant nothing.

Gabe wanted him. For now and forever. His name was across his chest and he wanted to _marry_ him. How much more devotion do you want?

"Do I get a say in the matter?" he joked lightly, though his voice broke and he had to convince himself that it was because of all the hours of screaming and fucking catching up to him, making his throat raw.

"Nope. You either marry me or I lock you in the basement as my willing sex slave…"

"You don't _have_ a basement."

"Then I'll _get_ one and I'll shackle you in there… It'll be our little dungeon…" He licked his lips and he was obviously enjoying the fantasy.

"If I marry you, can we still have that?"

"Hell yeah."

_Author's Note: I've been thinking about BDSM lately and how it seems to be so demonized… And then I was reading a few different stories, like 'The Demon in Me' by Lahtraya Obsidian Moon on Fanfiction, 'Playing the Scene' by twinsarien on Livejournal, and 'Now Accelerate Hard' by whithertits on Fanfiction. They inspired me! Also, there was a BDSM store website that urged me to write this… _

_Part 2 is going to be more hurt/comfort. _


	2. Be Yours

When you're getting ready to get married, there are a lot of things that need done.

There was the guest list to think about, what food people want to eat, what people are going to _wear_. They had to arrange for an attending priest and get their license to marry, get their blood work done. Then there was the fact that they were gay and that was a whole other matter to deal with, what with protestors and legal fights.

There was something about two men wanting holy matrimony that set people off _real bad_.

Luckily, Sam's foster dads were taking care of that bullshit.

Crowley and Bobby, who had raised Dean and Sam like their own after their dad had been caught one too many times drunk in public, were working the legal system. Bobby was the lead crime fighter in their county and Crowley was… Well, he was actually the richest man in about the same area. He was the Chief Financial Officer of a multimillion business.

It was actually through him that Sam had met Lucifer.

Lucifer had been the Chief Human Resources Officer of the same corporation and they had met at a business meeting, when Crowley had forgotten his wallet and Bobby had sent Sam down with it.

He quickly shook those memories away.

He didn't want to remember the asshole that made him feel like dirt. Especially when he was out shopping for his tux.

But, no, Crowley and Bobby were dealing with the unhappy bastards that didn't want gays getting married in their state. Bobby, who was intimate with the law, and Crowley, who was equally if not less so with money.

"Hey, Sam!" Dean called out, grinning widely, and Sam knew he was going to have to kill him in another second. "I found _the_ one for you." He brought to Sam's attention a thigh-length, strapless white dress. Lace layered the waist and reached beyond the white fabric to touch the floor.

"Hah hah hah, _jerk_."

"Bitch, you know I have good taste."

"One, I'm wearing a _suit_ to the wedding. Two, no white."

Lucifer had been obsessed with white the entire time they had been together. Whenever he had gotten kinky with Sam, something white had always been included, even if it was just the ball gag or the paddle.

"_It is pure, Sam. It reflects me, a deep nothing that is underestimated. But it is so powerful, it is light and day. And you… You can benefit from this all, you being as black as darkness and night. Do you understand, Sam?"_

"_Yes, Master…"_

Yeah. No white. Even if he had to wear red to his wedding, he'd rather call it all off than get stuck in anything that pale.

But Dean didn't know that. So he kept his reasoning to himself and just let Dean's comment on why he didn't want white roll right off his back.

_Damn_, though, why could he not stop thinking about that jackass? Was it because he was getting married? Was it because this was his own mind playing a sick guilt trip on him, reminding why he didn't deserve to be happy?

No, that wasn't right. He lifted his hand to his chest and traced the letters beneath his plaid shirt and black tee. He was deserving. Gabe had spent two weeks alone getting that through Sam's head before he even announced their engagement.

He deserved Gabriel. He loved him. And Gabriel loved him too, Gabriel knew _everything_ about him and only loved him more.

Lucifer could go fuck himself with his own toys. Sam wasn't going to lose his nerve now, he was going to get married, _like he wanted_, and he was going to be so happy, he would die for joy.

When that wasn't enough to calm his nerves, he thought about the house he and Gabe were moving into on their wedding night. They had been going back and forth to it, moving their stuff in.

The greatest part about it was the basement. It was its own den, with fluffy carpeted floors and windowless walls. There was no disgusting mold or cinderblock surfaces, it looked like an entirely other room beneath the house. The best part about it, though, the part that had sold Gabriel and Sam, had been the numerous hooks and crannies throughout the space, the sturdy structures and support beams. So many places to have fun from…

Sam blinked and it took him a long moment to realize that Dean was waving a hand in his face.

Wow, that had worked better than intended.

"What?"

"What are you spacing out for, man?"

"I was, um, thinking…"

"About?" Dean prompted. He grinned when Sam flushed a deep, scarlet red. "You were thinking about your wedding night, weren't you? _Dude_, you're such a _girl_!"

He looked away. "Something like that. Jerk."

Would he ever be able to tell Dean? He didn't know, he just didn't know, and he seriously didn't want to find out.

~::~

That night, he was in bed with Gabe.

There was silence for nearly two hours.

"You wanna have sex?" Gabe murmured into his ear.

"You wanna lose a pair?" Sam growled.

He was tired enough to get away with being a cold fish. After finally finding _"the_ one" (and Dean had been very contrite at it not being a dress), he had had to have it fitted and then he had had to continue on with the wedding plans. He had talked to Pastor Jim about attending their wedding and then he had talked to Ellen, a dear friend of theirs who owned the local bar, about doing their menu.

Then he had gotten caught up in a boycott. People had either been calling him a fag or telling him to settle for a union. And, if nothing else, _that_ had drained the younger Winchester of all energy.

"No, and you don't want me to either." He rolled his hips against the curve of Sam's ass, the head of his cock between his cheeks. "You need to cool off, gorgeous. Lemme take care of you…"

"Gabe…" Y'know, the more and more he moved, the more and more Sam was willing to listen to suggestions… "Stop that." There wasn't nearly enough conviction behind his words to stop his dominant.

Gabriel wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed lightly, not nearly enough to cut off his air, but enough so to make Sam groan. "What did you call me?"

_Oh_, was that what they were doing?

He shuddered, desire pooling in his gut. _Yes_, he wanted that. He… He loved it when Gabe pulled rank.

"Sir…"

"That's what I thought you said." Gabe bit his shoulder, low enough that it wouldn't show in a V-neck, and it was hard enough that Sam bled.

That felt too good…

"Do you want to have sex?" He growled each word, every syllable rolling dirty off his tongue. It might as well have been the filthiest proposition in the world.

"Yes, sir!"

Gabe grinned and leaned over him to kiss his throat. "Go pick out our toys for tonight, gorgeous. Bring them back to me and then spread."

Oh, God, he loved this man.

~::~

He knew something was wrong the moment he walked into Dean and Castiel's apartment.

Bobby and Crowley were there, on the love couch. Bobby was leaning forward with elbows on his knees, a beer held between his hands, and Crowley had his arm thrown over the back of the furniture, a glass tumbler clinking at his lips.

At the recliner, Dean had his head in his hands and Castiel was on the armrest, looking up as Sam came in.

On the coffee table between them was a yellow manila folder.

Sam swallowed thickly, suddenly shaky. Something was wrong here, very wrong.

Dean looked at him and then looked away, hands clenching into fists. He was shaking too, but the younger Winchester thought that it was for a completely different reason than his own.

Bobby had much the same reaction and Crowley just gave him his 'I don't _even_ want to get involved in this' look.

It was Castiel who stood up and took the folder over to Sam. "We want to talk to you about this."

He took the envelope in unsteady hands. Tipping it over, the contents that fell into his other open palm were… photos.

Photos of him and Lucifer.

His stomach dropped and he went white. _Oh God_, he hadn't know that he had been taking _pictures_. But he should have known. The guy had been so obsessed with Sam's looks, so content with not permanently marring them, that he _would_ take a few pictures. They "lasted longer" as the saying went.

He just… he hadn't known.

And they were explicit too. Nothing was left in the dark, Lucifer had _always_ enjoyed having Sam in his stark white room, lights always on, and that was where Sam was in the photos. In various positions… in various clothes…

With various toys…

He stared at them, eyes blurring with ashamed tears. Maybe one or two of them could have been taken as just a really kinky night, but all of them put together, it was all too obvious that Sam had not partaken in experimenting. The different gags and cuffs, collars and cock rings, paddles and floggers, the wide array of dildos and machines…

He had to look away. "Oh God…"

"Sammy…" Dean took a deep breath. "What the hell is this?"

The way his big brother looked up at him, he knew that he just wanted Sam to tell him that Lucifer had been taking advantage of him. That everything that had happened had been all Lucifer's fault.

He couldn't tell him that, though, could he? He had wanted all that… he had wanted it so bad. And when he looked up, he knew they could all see the truth in his guilty expression. "Dean –"

"What the hell, Sammy?" Dean stormed to his feet, all angry energy. "Don't tell me you _volunteered_ for this shit!"

"I-I didn't… volunteer." He had asked for it. People ask for volunteers, but he had asked for a dominant and that was the truth.

Dean saw that too. "Shit, Sammy… What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Stand down, idjit!" Bobby growled. "Sam, just tell us what was goin' through your mind."

"You want to know?" He hushed. Then his voice grew in volume. "You _really_ want to know? Fine, I'll tell you! I _wanted_ him to hurt me, to dominate me, I fucking _wanted_ all this!" He threw the pictures at them and the desired effect was lost on how they fluttered uselessly to the ground. "I like this, okay? I-I love it and… and…"

The very people he had grown up with were staring at him like he was a freak.

And he was a freak, wasn't he? Gabe had made him feel so good about himself and now… now it wasn't good. It was sick and demeaning and it went so far beyond a single kinky night like what Dean would take pride in. And, hell, Sam doubted he'd ever go as far as bondage, even with Cas.

Dean was all about free will and never being tied down. Having someone steady like his boyfriend was out of the norm enough for him and now… Now he had Sam's filthy secret to weigh on his mind.

"I'm sorry." He wasn't sure why he felt he had to say that, but he just knew he had to. "I'm so sorry, I-I would change if I could, I _would_…"

The silence was thick. He was choking on it, he really was.

He looked from one person to the other and, wasn't it supposed to hurt less when the people you love are able to meet your eyes? Whoever had first thought that was wrong. Meeting all their gazes, it felt like they were throwing stones at him with the power of their minds alone and every emotion that swirled in their eyes slashed him open.

Until he met Crowley's eyes, anyway. The CFO finished off his glass and then set it on the table, sitting up with an exaggerated sigh. "Well, Winchester, this is definitely kinky. And to think I always thought you were the good one." He grinned. "It was easy enough to accept that you liked your boys, I might as well give you a hand now."

One down. But Bobby just gave his significant other the stink eye and Castiel just stared unnervingly at Sam. Dean finally looked down and threaded his fingers into his hair.

And… And Sam thought, _If I was him, I'd feel more betrayed than disgusted_. There was truth to that, too. Dean had always taken his role as the older brother seriously, had always told Sam to trust him, to _believe_ in him. He had always just wanted to protect him, to be there when he needed him.

Here was proof that Sam had not consulted in Dean, that he had turn his back on Dean's support and ran to a guy who took advantage of his situation.

And that, more than even Sam's secret, must be hurting him like a knife in his back. That was something that Dean wasn't going to just forgive him for.

Bobby broke next. "Son, more than just what these pictures show, I'm angry 'bout what they _mean_."

"Bobby?" His voice was so wrecked, he hoped it didn't sound as pathetic to them as it did to him.

"You couldn't trust us with this? I mean, hell, Crowley's right about that at least, we didn't mind when you two said you were gay –"

"That's because _you two_ are gay!" He exploded. "So it just happens that you're not being hypocritical. But this… You guys _don't_ do this, none of you do! How was I supposed to come out about this when I know what you would all think? You think I'm sick, don't you? That I need help, that something's wrong with me, am I right? That I'm fucking _disgusting_!"

Dean moved so fast, none of them had time to stop him. His fist locked back and rushed forward with the power of a freight train and cracked against Sam's face, landing him on his ass.

"I don't… _ever_ want to hear you say that about yourself again, you got that?"

Aside from the fact that he was pretty happy that he wasn't turned on, yeah, he got that. And he looked up at Dean with the adoring, hopeful eyes of a younger brother, daring to believe that this meant what he thought it meant.

"You're not sick or disgusting, Sammy, you just have a really fucking disturbing kink. That's all it is and I don't really _care_, alright? But _you_… Why the fuck didn't you come to me?"

That's what it really came down to, wasn't it?

Sam looked away, feeling his cheek throb insistently, and he spat blood onto the floor, his tongue pulsing, and he had to remind himself that this was _Dean_. Not Gabe. And that he would have to apologize to Cas later for dirtying his floor.

"I thought you would hate me, okay? You're all about free will and you keep talking about how you would kill anyone who came within two feet of you with 'that demeaning shit'." That 'demeaning shit' being half the crap used on Sam in the photos. "I didn't want you guys to ever find out, I didn't want you to think less of me…"

Castiel sighed through his nose. "Sam, does Gabriel know about this?"

His blood ran cold.

Oh, shit.

Alright, they were already thinking less of him. Luckily, it looked like, with time, they would forgive him. Dean had already hit him and that meant he was halfway through the healing process. Bobby had abated and now he didn't even look affronted, just glowering at Crowley as the older man rested a hand on his inner thigh, staring thoughtfully into his empty tumbler.

But Gabriel… If they knew about him, that wouldn't be pretty. Would it? No, it wouldn't. Dean would try his hardest to kill him. He would look at Gabriel and see another Lucifer, just another jerk to get rid of from his little brother's life. Crowley and Bobby, he wasn't sure about, but Castiel?

What would Castiel think of his big brother?

It was a simple 'yes or no' question, but either answer would have a huge affect on his and Gabriel's life together.

Yes would make them all lose their respect in Gabriel. That would mean that they had known about Sam's secret before they had and had, instead of telling them, taken advantage of it. Just like Lucifer.

So it was settled then. "No. No, I haven't told him."

They had already lost all respect for Sam. But he could earn that back, they were his family. Gabriel… They could have gone years never talking to the man again. And then Castiel and Dean, they would have had fights, potentially bond-breaking fights, about whose brother was at fault.

He couldn't have that, not for anything. They were happy and Sam would be too.

"I didn't want him to know."

Seeing Castiel relax nearly made him want to cry.

But of course he would relax, why not? They all knew that Gabriel liked kinky, that was no secret. Before he and Sam had gotten together, his two favorite subjects to talk about were his sexual escapades and food. Castiel wouldn't want to know that his big brother was part of such a relationship.

He had been such a churchgoer till Dean came along and showed him that there was more to life. This thing that Sam had going on, it had to be confusing the hell out of him, like he was punishing himself for a sinful life.

Dean cursed. "Sammy, you're gonna have to tell him." He rubbed his face and he suddenly looked so very tired. He grabbed the manila folder and all the pictures, stuffing them back in the envelope. He grabbed his coat and slipped his boots on and then he was on his way out the door.

Castiel looked at him sharply. "Dean, where are you going?"

He held up the envelope in answer and then he was gone.

Bobby was quick to his feet and following the older Winchester. Crowley stayed where he was and Castiel glared in confusion after them.

Sam's voice was gone, he couldn't think past the lie he had just said.

He had done it to save Gabe but… He was sure the older man wouldn't see it that way, though.

He closed his eyes tightly. Gabriel had been so happy when he had found out, they had spent that entire night in pleasure and pain, in dominance and submission, and now it meant _nothing_ because Sam hadn't been strong enough to admit to it.

That was how Gabriel would see it.

Sam just hoped that he wouldn't do anything rash.

Meanwhile, Castiel was beginning to fume.

Crowley took pity on the man. "He's gone off to kill Lucifer. Wonderful, isn't it?"

~::~

Gabriel stared at Sam. His arms were at his sides and there was hellfire in his eyes.

"I did it to protect you," he repeated weakly. As the silence dragged on, it was becoming harder and harder to remember that he had done the right thing.

It seemed like Gabriel would again say nothing. Finally, his eyes turned to slits and he took a step away from Sam, to the door, and he almost thought he was going to leave.

Instead, he spun on his heel and shoved Sam down on the bed. "Did you think to ask me if I wanted to be protected?"

"You –"

"– _weren't there_, I know! But guess what, gorgeous? You _know_ me. You know me well enough to guess that I wouldn't want you to go through this alone! Damn it, kiddo! You _still_ think this is something to be ashamed about, don't you? Did you _think_ that, maybe, lying a _second time_ to your folks – and my brother – would somehow make everything better? Did you even _think_ at all?"

"Gabe, that's not –"

"What did you just call me?"

Oh no.

"No, we can't do that right –"

Gabriel's hand came across his already bruised cheek and a reluctant groan was pressed out of him.

"Sam, I thought I got through to you, I really did." The closet door was opened and Gabriel selected _The Destroyer_. Roughly sixteen inches long and three inches around, it had already sent Sam to the hospital once, though they had luckily covered up for that by saying they were "experimenting". That had been the last time they had used it, though with the unsaid vow of trying against later.

Apparently, later was now.

"I was wrong, I guess. Well, no use crying over spilled milk." He turned to Sam, so much anger in his eyes. "Do you _want_ me to give you something to be ashamed about? I will _give_ that to you, gorgeous, I will make you so ashamed that you'll leave me in the dust and never leave your brother's sight again, is that what you want?"

No, it wasn't. He loved Gabriel, he didn't _want_ to leave him at all. And what they did together… he thought that was beautiful.

Except he had kind of lost that belief when he had been faced with his family, hadn't he? Gabriel was pissed, he had denied their relationship and to their brothers nonetheless.

He had let himself take the fall, and he had thought about it that way too.

And Gabe was still waiting for an answer.

Angry at himself and nervous for what this would do to their relationship, he shook his head. "No, sir."

"No, sir, _what_?"

"No, sir, I don't want you to do that to me. I want…" He looked up and met those eyes again. "I don't ever want to leave you. I want you and this relationship."

"Then _why_ did you do that?"

"I didn't want them to think less of you, sir."

"Do I look like I care what other people think of me? Do I?"

Gabriel never had cared, had he? That had been part of the reason why Sam had been so angry when he had first met the pompous asshole.

Gabriel had played prank after prank, had sex with one person after another, and had never watched his diet. His randomness and lack of self-control had made Sam want to tear his hair out. But maybe that was part of the reason of why he had loved him to begin with.

"_Do I_?"

"No, sir."

"No, sir, _what_?"

"No, sir, you don't look like you care what other people think."

Gabriel wrapped a hand around his throat and held hard enough that Sam's vision began to grey.

And, even though Gabriel was pissed and he was holding on with more force than usual… Sam actually knew that he was safe. Gabriel wouldn't kill him.

Chances were, he wouldn't even pass out.

As if on cue, Gabriel let him go. "Turn over, baby. I'm going to make you never doubt me again."

He swallowed thickly. "S-sir…?"

"Yes, gorgeous?"

"Can I… Can I have a kiss first?"

He just wanted to be assured that they were okay. Well, okay enough that they weren't going to split up, okay enough that Gabriel didn't screw him out of rage and then leave.

The older man's eyes softened considerable. "This once, gorgeous. And then I'll flog you if you ask me another question tonight."

Lips touched at first softly and then with increasing force.

When they separated ages later, but truly felt not long enough at the same time, Sam wetted his glossy lips.

"Sir?"

"Sammy…" Gabriel began in warning.

He grinned. "Can I get flogged anyway?"

It was good to be reassured.

~::~

"Sam, don't do that!" Gabe pouted. "As soon as your brother's gone, I wanna rip your shirt off and have my wicked ways with you. Please don't wear the tee?"

He fidgeted. The last time he had worn a button-down without something beneath it had been before Gabriel had branded him.

But this was Gabriel. He could do this for him. So he tossed the tee aside and just slid his plaid button-up on instead.

Gabriel hummed happily behind him, reaching up to jerk him down into an open-mouth kiss. "I'm getting hard just thinking about ripping that shirt off of you."

"G-Gabe!" He flushed red. "Dean's coming over, okay? He'll be here any minute…" He had to laugh as Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at him.

"All the better, gorgeous." Sam walked away, leaving the bedroom. He completely missed Gabriel's devious smirk. "All the better."

~::~

Apparently, Lucifer wasn't at his old address. Dean had checked. Then he had checked three other places he could possibly be at.

When all had failed, he had turned his attention to finding out why Lucifer had sent the package. His conclusion was that he had heard of Sam and Gabriel's engagement through an article done on them in the newspaper. Gays getting married and all, that was. When he had learned of this, he must have just been fucked over with jealousy, so he had thought to get one up on Sam and his family.

They sat in Sam and Gabriel's living room, all of them with beer bottles in hand, and Dean finished off his explanation with a searching look from Sam to Gabe.

He shifted uncomfortably.

"So…" Dean began, "did Sammy, uh, tell you?"

Gabe tilted his head innocently, smiling. "Tell me what, Deano? _Oh_, you mean that he's into BDSM? Yeah, he told me."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yeppers, I am."

Dean relaxed. "Good. Otherwise I'd have to kick your ass for breaking my little brother's heart."

Gabriel's grin grew. "I know what you mean."

Sam felt it. Something bad was coming, he just knew it.

And then Gabriel unfolded his legs, swinging one of them widely, and the coffee table between them and Dean jerked towards his older brother, hard enough that it startled the older Winchester and his beer spilled all across his lap.

He shot to his feet at the same time Gabriel did. "Oh, looky at that, Deano! Damn, lemme dry that up for you, Sammy, if you don't mind –" and he ripped Sam's shirt right off.

He should have known that Gabriel would find a way to get back at him for lying. He should have seen something like this coming.

If Dean even remembered that he was wet and sticky with alcohol, that was lost on his shocked expression. He stared at Sam's chest and Sam stared at him, hoping that he wouldn't understand what he was seeing. Hoping he wouldn't notice that the scar wasn't completely new or that it was Gabriel's name. But that was all impossible, wasn't it?

The scabbing was already fading away and Gabriel had carved neatly into him, the letters unmistakable.

Gabriel circled around to Dean and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, sitting him back down. He must have been completely out of it because he didn't fight the older male, he just went down and kept staring, like he could make the scars disappear under the power of his disbelief.

"Come on, Deano, don't tell me that doesn't look beautiful on him. I mean, it's not like I don't know about the tattoo on your shoulder. Y'know, the one of Cassy's handprint? What's the difference between that and this? The fact that my method is so much more personal? I did it myself with my knife and Sam was willing. Don't you think that's mushy romantic, how he trusted his flesh to me like that?"

He patted Dean's head and the older Winchester slowly looked to him. "Y'know, it's the same thing with the rest of our relationship. You think BDSM is the same as abuse, don't you? You think it's horrifying, that one human being would tie down and torture another, am I right? Well, Deano, I want you to think about it _this_ way.

Think about it as if I were Cassy and Sam was you. Cassy ties you down and he takes a dildo to your lips, he tells you to suck it, and you _do_ because the look in his eyes is all crazed heat and you want to please him.

But you have this misconception about submission and dominance, don't you, big brother? You think to submit is weak, it makes you weak-minded and weak-willed, and dominance just means that someone can do whatever they want to you, whether you like it or not, because they're stronger than you. Tell you what, Deano, that's not how it goes."

Sam was panting. He couldn't help it, Gabe was using _that_ voice, the voice that was a wolf's growl with a trickster overtone and Dean's eyes were glazed over, like he _wanted_ what Gabe was saying, and that was just amazing.

"Sam likes to submit, Deano. He likes to call me "sir" in bed and lemme play with him, use all sorts of different toys on him, and he does as I say exactly as I say it because he just wants to make me happy. He just wants to forget the world for a little while, to give up control, and I take that control from him and I show him how beautiful pain can be. I give it back, though. That's the difference between me and Lucifer, Lucifer didn't want to give back control. He wanted to control Sammy, period. He used his family against him, Deano, he used _you_ against your own little brother."

Dean was looking at Gabriel now, eyes a little more focused and slightly narrowed. Anger was starting to home itself in his gaze and Sam hoped he wasn't planning on killing his fiancé.

"I love your little brother, that has been true long before I found out about his kink and it's true still. I love that he gives into me and that such a big guy is so soft and needy, and he loves me just as much. If you haven't given a jack shit about anything else I said, then just think of it as a trust game. He lets me hurt him, hold him on the edge, and he trusts me to not take the pain too far or let him fall. I've got'im, Deano. I'm not going to let him go."

Dean's upper lip curled slowly and his hands started to clench. "Why the fuck are you telling me all this?"

Gabriel met Sam's eyes over Dean's head and the younger Winchester all but melted beneath the weight of the other's apparent love. "'Cause Sammy over there took it into his own hands to protect me, in case you don't remember. Now, you've got to know that that scar is older than just yesterday. I did that to him the day I proposed to him. He wanted me to mark him and I _did_, because I never plan to leave him. Just like you marked yourself for Cassy."

He perched his head in one hand, elbow on the couch's back, and he chirped in an upbeat tone, "I just don't want you thinking that Sam was telling the truth back there. I've known for nearly three weeks and I've loved every minute I've had with Sammy and his needs in the bedroom."

"What?" He spun around to look at Sam, eyes wide. "Sammy, _what the hell_?"

"I didn't want you thinking any less of him."

"See how the kiddo thinks? I don't really care what you think of me, my main concern is Cassy, and he'll be okay once I just smile his way. He's happy as long as everyone else is happy, a simple guy, isn't he?" Gabe leaned close to Dean's ear. "Don't you think you should go home to experiment with him now? You trust him, don't you? I'll even lend you some toys, I've still got a few things still in their containers. Unused. You can go drive him _wild_. See how much you trust him, Deano."

He was leading Dean towards the door before the older Winchester was even aware of it. "Whoa, wait a sec! We're not done talking here!" He spun on his heel and glared down at Gabe.

Sam stared from his seat as Gabriel jerked Dean down and whispered something into his ear. Dean was first pale than red than gasping, eyes wide and unseeing.

Gabe pulled away and Sam could see his brother's Adam's apple bobbing thickly. "You got all that, Deano?"

Dean blinked stupidly at him.

"Go take _that_ suggestion to Cassy and tell me how it goes later, got that?"

Dean left without a word, like a zombie, and didn't even say goodbye to Sam.

The younger Winchester stared after him.

"What the hell, Gabe?"

"You made me."

"You're an ass."

That was the last they said on the subject before Sam tackled him to the ground.

God he loved this man.

~::~

The next time he saw Cas and Dean, there were friction burns on the older Winchester's wrists and Castiel seemed to have difficulty tearing his eyes away from his lover.

When he did manage to do so, he took Gabriel aside, saying he had to have a word with him. They forgot to close the door behind them.

So when Sam saw Castiel hug Gabriel, eyes wide with awe and gratefulness, he couldn't help but grin like a fool and just lay back in his chair.

He was definitely happy to be marrying that guy, even if he did sometimes have the maturity of a five-year old.

~::~

Lucifer came to the wedding.

He wore, of course, an all-white tux, but he was clever enough to befriend Gabe's group of work buddies. Gabriel worked at the local hospital as a surgeon and his fellow surgeon buddies, Michael, Zachariah, Uriel, Ariel, Raphael, and a few others, had made it to the wedding. Unfortunately, all of them appeared to hate Sam and Dean for reasons neither of the Winchesters could figure out. Apparently, Lucifer could sense that and he was able to feed off of their hatred and feed into it all at the same time.

He hid in the center of their conversation during most of the ceremony.

From his place at the alter, Sam's first and last glimpse of him was right when Pastor Jim asked the gathered mass if there were any who opposed their matrimony.

Lucifer took one step out, raised a placating hand and offered a misleadingly calm grin, and then he was gone. Tackled to the ground, Sam thought, but he couldn't be sure because all he saw was a flash of movement.

It took him another minute to realize that Gabriel wasn't with him anymore.

It took a little while longer to realize that that was Gabriel beating the shit out of Lucifer.

And it took him an entire nine hours before he realized he was supposed to be pissed at his now-husband for getting himself in jail on their wedding night.

Except he wasn't. Because Gabe was for the most part, aside from where Lucifer had slammed a fist into his gut and left a big, dark bruise, unharmed and very cocky.

Hell, he was damn proud of himself.

Dean, who wasn't being held for physical assault, was pouting.

"I wanted to kick his fuckin' ass!" And he sniffed delicately, angry.

Sam just rolled his eyes.

Luckily, within another two hours, bail was set and they went home.

Their _new_ home. With its sexy-as-hell "love den" as Gabriel fondly referred to it.

That night, after a good two-hour argument that Sam didn't really find necessary but that Gabriel found sexy nonetheless (because Sam found that he really _should_ be pissed that everyone put so much work into the wedding and they hardly had any time to enjoy it), they decidedly Christianized their little dungeon.

Sam was sweaty and panting towards the end, decorated in oozing slashes and expanding bruises, cum on his face and his body spread in the hanging leather swing. Gabriel, aside from the wounds, looked no better off than him.

Their grins, on the other hand, couldn't have been happier, or even wider.

_Oh God_, Sam thought, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, lover, soulmate, _husband_ the moment Gabriel untied his wrists. _I love this man so damn much._

And Gabriel loved him too.

_Author's Note: And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Lucifer. He eventually died a horrible, terrible, much deserved death. _


End file.
